In the midst of a chaotic day at work, after having missed half my lunch hour already, I called mercy and took a break.
I set the timer for a 10 minute meditation (I now do a 30 second prep timer). My body doesn’t usually melt into the same level of relaxation as it did in the honeymoon days, but I was grateful I had this practice to make some space to provide a mindful opportunity to relax, rather than just a break on my phone or with my eyes closed stressing or just eating. It is a different space.
Even though I wasn’t fully comfortable or connected to the moment, I tried to stay focused on my breath. In breath, out breath. Try and enjoy the breath, I hear the sangha leader echo in my head. It is a challenge to enjoy the breath when Im stuck feeling like breathing is a conscious effort some breaths.
Then there is catching the breath when the stream of thoughts try to carry the awareness away.
I had accidentally programmed a bell to go off at 5 minutes too, which actually deepened my sensation of sitting. Towards the end though I had to latch onto repeating “om mani padme hum” in my mind. Glad I have that flexibility because it made a difference.
I suspect meditating may have prevented me from fraying my last nerve(s) on the psych ward tonight, which has been rather acute lately.