Be dynamite, Live dynamically!

I first started meeting people “online” back in the days of the commodore 64 “q-link” service.  Then dial-up BBS.  Then talkers on telnet, message boards, AOL, and now dating sites.  Some  meets have resulted in good relationships that ended for normal reasons, some have resulted in long-term friendships.  I’ve just always had better luck meeting like-minded people online rather than bars, and now I don’t drink so that limits my stranger-pool.  

Over the years, I’ve developed a few basic game rules that I hope you can learn from.   Feel free to add/comment, I’m curious about your experiences/rules.  

  1. Don’t spend weeks/months writing, because it ends up being a bonafide heartache if there isn’t chemistry.   Soo much text and writing so many years ago.  But there were very few people “online” back then, and it seems to me in general there was a higher caliber of intelligence overall.  🙂  

  2. Have a quick coffee meet before you plan a long, extravagant-ish date. If you are going to have a dinner/lunch as a first meet, the bill should be split and this should be agreed upon up front.   For the would-be recipient, it takes the pressure off of feeling they have to “put out” or give the payor a chance if they aren’t really into them, and there isn’t a “sucker” spending money on dates that don’t have a happy ending – a second date, that is, pervs!  “Normal” dating rules can apply after that first meet, if that means traditional chivalry for you, or alternating bills.  

  3. Don’t only look at the OKC percentage rating, compare answers to questions. However, I have noticed I do have a lot more in common with people who have higher match percentages. That isn’t 100% though. Is anyone 100%?

  4. Just like traditional dating, don’t expect the next person you meet off the dating site to be “the one.” It places unfair expectations on the process! Of course, we hope they are. They might however be our next friend or learning experience.

  5. As a woman, I definitely don’t give my number/email to someone until it is established we have some common grounds and the other person doesn’t seem to have actively crazy tendencies. With that said, once I have information on someone I do tend to google them. YMMV in terms of how people perceive this, some find it intrusive and they are generally net-naive. If potential employers are going to google you, why not google potential dates?

  6. If there is only a partial shot of the person, ask for a full length photo. Perhaps even clarify if the pictures are recent 

  7. Don’t assume everybody online is mentally well. Don’t assume everybody online is mentally ill. It runs the gamut, just like life, and most people are a mix. Remember, everyone is crazy, you are just looking for people that are your kind of crazy.

Hope this helps.  

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Comments on: "Online dating rules, a la me." (5)

  1. Christina, thank you for these rules. I wish I would have had them a week ago during a potential date. I love chatting with people online, so messaging back-and-forth definitely seems to be my folly. I think it’s the greatest reason, besides having 2+ hour dates, that my dates possibly become disinterested. I’ll be following these rules very closely, and you’ve actually just pushed me to ask someone out for a quick coffee date (1 hour long, 1.5hr max). Thanks once again!

    • Generally I know if I’m into (or not) someone way sooner than an hour. 🙂

      I need to update my post to include the notion that ongoing correspondence isn’t inherently a waste of time. However, unlike the days of yore where courtship may have transpired entirely over letters weeks apart and brought by horse…. we have different (fickle? Superficial?) Standards about what happens when those two finally meet. 🙂

      It is more of a cautionary rule. One must not have expectations about the outcome of the meet in relation to your energy/excitement/effort expenditure during correspondence. We can have so much in common but if chemistry Isn’t There …

      I generally expect a level of intellectual connection and conversation online before I will meet someone anyway.

      Whereas in bars, it starts with chemistry (and chemicals, heh) and things fall apart (or not) from there.

      Good luck on your next date! I guess the future doctor isnt the one? You left us hanging!

      • I know, I’m sorry I haven’t had time to finish that post. I’ve been working non-stop 12 hr shifts, so I’ve really only been able respond to the comments I get.

        The future doctor was really great in person from my point-of-view, but I don’t think she feels the same way about me. Though I must say we have a lot in common and exchanged quite a few laughs during our date! But there’s something about her post-date texts that guide my intuition into an abyss of pessimism.

        However, she left two days after our date to work in Texas for seven weeks and she said she would “update” me when she got back. I don’t know if she will or not, but I am crossing my fingers.

        Which is why I’m grateful for your rules, though you’ve heard me say this before. As a newbie to this online dating world, it’s great to absorb some not-so-common rules for hopeless romantics such as myself.

  2. Fun article, take a moment and read my article on online dating on my Arts and Culture website: http://wp.me/p2T9h4-aA

    • You echo the results of some of my sentiments here. I should clarify that I dont think exchanging messages about shared interests is particularly bad, but yeah, time and energy consuming with often minimal results. Great if one is looking for friends but a dating website is not the place to do that. 🙂

      Congrats to lisa’s success

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