Meditation day 19 – 12/20/13; Relaxation

1 min prep; 15 min sit.

Revisited my friend the exam room at the start of my lunch today. Upped the ante back to 15 minutes, did a few little stretches and breaths to loosen up a smidge in my minute prep time, and settled onto the exam stool.

15 minutes didn’t take “that long.” I had more success with breath watching today, counting after each exhale.  Not sure I concentrated long enough to make it up to 21 as they suggested at newbie meditation
@ KTD Monastery when I visited in August.  I know I made it to atleast 10.  At some point I took the suggestion of someone else and
focused on the sound of the fan blowing when it distracted me for a few moments.  The fan drowned out the wifi router squeal, but not quite the whirr of the COW.

The observations on my thoughts escape me at the moment.  What stands out the most was feeling how relaxed my body was after a few minutes in spite of the various tensions it has at the moment [sciatic, clavicle] that were still present.  Now I find I dislike having to open my eyes and resume activity when the bell rings.  This is becoming a constant, even if the session had been a squirmy one –
except last night with the restless legs.

Of course I want this to be profound. So on the topic of Mu (does a dog have buddha nature?), I leave you lucas chasing his tail, obviously very much in the present moment.

Meditation day 16 – 12/17/13

(1 minute prep, 10 minute sit.)

I decided to sit away from the beasts.

My bedrooms have barriers to keep the puppy out.  I sat on the edge of the bed in the spare room today and for my minute prep I watched the fuzzkids outside the door.  The dogs always gather at the door and look confused and anxious as to why mommy is separate from them.  Pin walked away and lucas grabbed squeaky snake trying to get pinto to play, which pinto does not do. 

In told them I loved them and closed my eyes as the bell rang.

I notice my body does settle into meditation quicker now.  It is responding to the conscious training to be still.  My back started hurting … I should have at least put a pillow under my butt to tilt my pelvis, but chose not to readjust. My chest didn’t feel tight this time.  My back took the stage.  

My mind observed the noises in the apartment, and reflected on visiting zccc and other zen communities.  It is resonating easy with me perhaps because I am pursuing self growth, spiritual awareness and community all in one.  Yet I am not being force-fed dogma.   Hearing dharma talks haven’t even felt like dogma, but more info to contemplate or embed into my own journey.  It’s nice.  Happy. 

Oh, breath, meditation, right.  🙂
In breath, out breath.

In the background is a little meditation chant box singing amhitaba that andrew-san gave me.  I thought it was ridiculous and cheesy at first but now listen to it for a few moments near-daily as I get ready for work.  It is plugged into my computer speakers.  🙂  if I get a plug for it I might leave it on for the animals when I’m not home.  It has been playing for … 3 hours now?  

In breath, out breath, in breath, back pain, though the rest of my body is relaxed.  I had noticed tension in my stomach when I started and let it go.   Out breath.

Ten minutes seems like it should go faste, though it isnt heinously slow.
The bell rings, I bow, rise.

Dogs are ecstatic I’m rejoining them.   🙂

Meditation day 10 – 12/11/13 – Part 1

After fuzzcare, I bribed the dogs with peanut butter inside a bone. 

Sitting on a pillow at the edge of my coffee table again, I did a little stretching in the minute prep I set the timer for.  When the bell rang for stillness, I found it challenging to focus on my breath because my chest felt tight again.   When I asked Andrew-san why my chest felt tight when I started to focus on my breath, he pointed out the obvious – that I was just noticing what was already there.

I have been fighting away a cold the past few days, and had used my asthma pump after awakening because my chest had started to feel like congestion was settling in.  I don’t have asthma, per se, but I had an annual bout of bronchitis as a kid (thanks, smoking parents) and I am technically allergic to cats, which only flares up from time to time as a cat owner.  Before owning cats, I would also get exercise induced wheezing.   I don’t always now, but the combo can’t help things.   So, my chest is tight, and I watch it… (fyi, not asthma attack tight – not emergent!)

I still feel other parts of my body start to relax, I notice my mind still wanders but the thoughts aren’t as loud, aren’t screaming for attention.   Perhaps it is because my chest is yelling at me for the irritants I challenged it to adapt to. 

My posture wants to wobble, too.  Sitting further upright helps open my chest, but it feels tiring to do so today.  I contemplate that a sun salutation before meditating would really be a good idea.  I try to focus on my breath.

The puppy monster finishes his task earlier than intended and starts seeking my attention.   I keep hoping he will follow my example and sit too.  🙂   He jumps on my leg, jumps on the table, tries to give me his toy..

(Taken after session over)

At some point I move my foot to trap the toy.  Sometimes all I need to do to “play” is a passive pseudo tug like that…but he gets another toy.

When I moved my foot it was a shock to my system though,  a rude awakening, and I probably shouldn’t do that again, though I continued to sit until my time was up.

Obviously the puppy won.

Can’t wait to try to mix in kids and meditation someday.   🙂