Meditation Day 9 – 12/10/13

FYI, I put the date in my subject because when I look at posts by category, the date disappears.  If someone can help me rectify this it would be awesome.  

Today’s meditation just happened, for 15 minutes.  Doing it at night should not become habit because in the past I’ve tended to get restless legs when trying to sit at night.

Gave the dogs some new bones to distract them and sat on a pillow at the edge of my (very sturdy) coffee table.  I had buckets of coffee while writing a paper at the cafe, so my heart is pounding, and irregularly given my sinus arrhythmia, my chest also felt tight.  Why does my chest often feel tight when I start watching my breath?

To ease the “gotta do this other thing” and “I should go swimming tonight but first I would need to get new goggles and….” I repeatedly gave myself permission to sit in the moment.  That seemed to be the most recurrent thought, was my consciously saying to myself, in my head, I give you permission to sit right here and observe this moment.   After a while of that, I could feel my body easing.

It’s interesting to observe the body melting into relaxation, and the breath and mind become that much more visible, clear.  “Gotta do…”  No, self, feel the body relaxing, all that can wait.  Observe this moment… Amazing how hard it is to sit in the moment with my eyes closed and body still.

Interestingly, at some point, tidbits of a dream I had last night that I had already forgotten came out.

I was with my family in a K-mart lobby of sorts, we were on a road trip and stopped here to pick someone up.   I remember finding Nanny (my deceased maternal grandmother) in a dressing room, though I think we were still waiting for someone else.  When I thought of merely her name coming up in a dream a few weeks ago, and then my use of her to provide nurturing while creating an improved “memory” experience during EMDR today in therapy, I thought to myself … maybe that’s a sign that she is hanging out, keeping an eye on me, and I got a bit misty.   Returned to focusing on the breath, though, which had calmed a bit at that point, instead of sitting with that notion – I’m not sure why I didn’t.

I find it absolutely fascinating that in the mental stillness, a portion of a forgotten dream resurfaced. What else might come up?

At some point I became concerned with time, wanting the meditation to be over already.  I had to surrender…”it will be time when it is time” I said to myself.   I’m unable to recall whether my upper back started getting achy before or after that.  🙂

One of my cats joined me at my back on the pillow once or twice.  She was the first interaction I had when re-awakened, being at my feet for some scritches.

When the bell rang, I didn’t want to move.

I felt peaceful.