I first started meeting people “online” back in the days of the commodore 64 “q-link” service. Then dial-up BBS. Then talkers on telnet, message boards, AOL, and now dating sites. Some meets have resulted in good relationships that ended for normal reasons, some have resulted in long-term friendships. I’ve just always had better luck meeting like-minded people online rather than bars, and now I don’t drink so that limits my stranger-pool.
Over the years, I’ve developed a few basic game rules that I hope you can learn from. Feel free to add/comment, I’m curious about your experiences/rules.
Don’t spend weeks/months writing, because it ends up being a bonafide heartache if there isn’t chemistry. Soo much text and writing so many years ago. But there were very few people “online” back then, and it seems to me in general there was a higher caliber of intelligence overall. 🙂
Have a quick coffee meet before you plan a long, extravagant-ish date. If you are going to have a dinner/lunch as a first meet, the bill should be split and this should be agreed upon up front. For the would-be recipient, it takes the pressure off of feeling they have to “put out” or give the payor a chance if they aren’t really into them, and there isn’t a “sucker” spending money on dates that don’t have a happy ending – a second date, that is, pervs! “Normal” dating rules can apply after that first meet, if that means traditional chivalry for you, or alternating bills.
Don’t only look at the OKC percentage rating, compare answers to questions. However, I have noticed I do have a lot more in common with people who have higher match percentages. That isn’t 100% though. Is anyone 100%?
Just like traditional dating, don’t expect the next person you meet off the dating site to be “the one.” It places unfair expectations on the process! Of course, we hope they are. They might however be our next friend or learning experience.
As a woman, I definitely don’t give my number/email to someone until it is established we have some common grounds and the other person doesn’t seem to have actively crazy tendencies. With that said, once I have information on someone I do tend to google them. YMMV in terms of how people perceive this, some find it intrusive and they are generally net-naive. If potential employers are going to google you, why not google potential dates?
If there is only a partial shot of the person, ask for a full length photo. Perhaps even clarify if the pictures are recent
Don’t assume everybody online is mentally well. Don’t assume everybody online is mentally ill. It runs the gamut, just like life, and most people are a mix. Remember, everyone is crazy, you are just looking for people that are your kind of crazy.
Hope this helps.
OKCUpid, 4/21/13 ; This guy is the reason I wanted to create this section, actually.
kingofporches: can I take you home to my mom?
btw- i hate liberals.
me: are you trying to piss your mom off?
kingofporches: no just lower her expectations before I bring a real girl home.
Me: your plan would backfire. parents love me.
kingofporches: maybe hippy parents.
Me: I appeal to a surprisingly wide range of persons…the joy of being a nurse. At any rate, I feel bad for your mom that she raised such an unkind son. I hope you find peace in your journey.
And because he messaged someone merely with the intent of being unkind, here is a smidge more of exposure; buyer beware!
Here is someone that attempts to be sweet. His profile did not indicate we’d have anything in common, though, and he no longer has an account. But it was a nice change of pace. Good luck to you, Mike.
How are you doing? Looking at your beautiful and Angelic eyes, you seem to be like an angel sent from heaven. Beautifully created with awesome smile. i don’t mind becoming friends to an angel like you, would really love to know you more hif only you’ll give me the chance to and let me into your heart as your wonderful friend.Look forward to read back from you. Mike.
OKCupid, 3/13/14: 27yo Dude from Long Island
His picture shows muscles bulging through a tank top, holding a dog
Dude: Ummm, u wanna blow me?
Me: Ummm, no.
Dude: Lol. Ok just figured I’d giv u the chance. I’m a nice guy like that
Me: Does that line ever actually work? Nothing about it says “nice guy” even to a slut
Dude: Lol, of course it does. U girls r real “progressive” and “independent” these days
Really, ladies? Really? Who among you is rewarding this guy’s poor pick-up etiquette? I have no qualms against meeting people for casual sex off dating sites, but not based on lines such as this. *sigh*
OK Cupid, February 23rd, 2014; 38 year old male from NJ
HIM: Good morning! Interested in chatting and getting to know each other?
ME: If you look at our questions you will see we have some key differences in values, but thanks for your interest.
HIM: How about not replying at all? Ciao!
ME: How about reading about people first to see why there is a 45% match?
HIM: Wow, so you REALLY are serious about the 45%, eh? Lol Smh! Ciao!
ME: You are too conservative. Dont want a girl kissing you after she sucks you off, dont think prostitution should be legal, think 14 sex partners is too much, dont like crude humor, risky public sex, or deep philosophical conversations, think there is 1 true religion, think a couple in love shouldnt live together and must get married, dont believe in abortion, wont let pets sleep on your bed, arent an adventurous eater, dont have a morbid sense of humor.. The list goes on. I dont just go by the number. I take time to look at the questions we answered because more often than not there are key differences.
He did not reply. We are now a 37% match.
I’ve primarily created this category for sharing online dating ridiculousness.
You probably won’t be surprised at the poorly thought out responses to my profiles I get. *sigh*
For the record, here is my ok cupid profile. I’m looking for a primary LTR of a polyamorous nature. 🙂