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Posts tagged ‘lucas’

Meditation day 19 – 12/20/13; Relaxation

1 min prep; 15 min sit.

Revisited my friend the exam room at the start of my lunch today. Upped the ante back to 15 minutes, did a few little stretches and breaths to loosen up a smidge in my minute prep time, and settled onto the exam stool.

15 minutes didn’t take “that long.” I had more success with breath watching today, counting after each exhale.  Not sure I concentrated long enough to make it up to 21 as they suggested at newbie meditation
@ KTD Monastery when I visited in August.  I know I made it to atleast 10.  At some point I took the suggestion of someone else and
focused on the sound of the fan blowing when it distracted me for a few moments.  The fan drowned out the wifi router squeal, but not quite the whirr of the COW.

The observations on my thoughts escape me at the moment.  What stands out the most was feeling how relaxed my body was after a few minutes in spite of the various tensions it has at the moment [sciatic, clavicle] that were still present.  Now I find I dislike having to open my eyes and resume activity when the bell rings.  This is becoming a constant, even if the session had been a squirmy one –
except last night with the restless legs.

Of course I want this to be profound. So on the topic of Mu (does a dog have buddha nature?), I leave you lucas chasing his tail, obviously very much in the present moment.

Meditation Day 15 – 12/16/13 + reflections on friendship

Today was emotional.   I was supposed to see a friend tonight but they relapsed last night, and I got fed up despite their intent on still showing up.  Was there really a guarantee?   Besides, I’m angry and hurt and I feel bad for them, but I have to protect my sobriety and sanity.  I was also just feeling kinda lonely after that.  Another friend I had gotten used to having around regularly has been busy or spending time with their significant other.   I’m amused I’m craving friendship, considering up until a few months ago I was primarily craving lover time.  That shows progress…but where is my tribe?

I spent the first portion of my life without friends.  The second portion I was accessory to multiple tribes.  I want my own tribe now.  I refuse to believe that I am meant to be a lighthouse on an island instead of a community, or the woman on the mountain with just the animals.   I believe in my spirit that I will find a lasting community, or create one.    The people I’ve had the longest run of kindred feelings towards are all far away – Peru, Berlin, Oklahoma, Washington, New Jersey, Connecticut, China, Boston.  Don’t laugh, New Jersey is a thousand million miles away when you are a NYC resident.  😉  

So, today was an emotional wanting tribe day.  Then I also missed my freakin’ English professor to turn in my paper, so I have to go to her at 1030 Wednesday morning!  Ack!   Mornings and I….

So, I went to ZCCC for their holiday party.  Overcame social anxiety [Yes, I’m shy. Don’t laugh] by instigating conversation with the person standing next to me who wasn’t speaking to anyone else, and we chatted for the next few hours.   He had watched ZCCC grow from seeds over the years, and it was nice to touch that memory with him.   I encouraged him to rekindle his meditation practice.  Listen to me, 15 days in acting like the disciplined meditative Bodhisattva.   I left the party with a bag of leftover pasta and sweets, an unexpected parting gift, and a koan [mu/moo/wu] which will fill me up much longer should I choose to accept that challenge, and even the idea of doing a standing meditation.

It seems I’m always leaving zen centers with more than I walked in with.   I sense that’s a koan too.

When I got home, I peed the dogs, gave them the new bones I got them, and tried to slip in my meditation before noshing on another round of pasta.  Sitting on the table edge drew the puppy away from the bone, so I took a seat on the couch.

1 minute prep time, 10 minute meditation:  My body felt relaxed, but my brain immediately wanted to relive feel-good interactions at the party.  I tried to counteract that with consciously summoning up some of the seeds of sadness encountered earlier, and invited mindfulness to be with them.  I think, if I recall, on my drive into the city I also invited mindfulness to give some compassion to those feelings.  I tried to count breaths after cycles, as my new acquaintance suggested he did once.  At some point I focused on observing the environment because pinto started growling at lucas [bone-couch turf war].  Heck, I got scared Pinto was going to launch an attack, wondering if I could consinue to simply observe as they fought it out before me – which ends up in play, interestingly.  I observed that fear rise and fall, and nothing happened.  Observing my cat behind my head, the fish tank gurgling, then was feeling bad about my crappy fish tank care and thought about … oh, right.  In breath, Out breath.  1.  In breath, out breath.  2.

10 minutes seemed like a long time, but when the timer rang, I wanted to sit longer.  HA.

I didn’t, though.

I bowed to Lucas,

and revisited pasta.

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Day 15, check.

Meditation day 12 – Friday 12/13/13

Working from 7 am – 11:15 PM and my head was foggy, my body exhausted.  I couldn’t find parking in the morning so parked in the garage, spent nearly the entirety of my first lunch break trying to find street parking.  I should have waited until after 4 when I could park in front of schools, it would have been the same price.  

Meditation met with a twilight zone of consciousness during my second break in the evening.   I’ve continued to use the exam room for my work meditations given the infrequent use of that room.   I sat the exam table near upright, put on the Moses Code Meditation, and just let myself be, trying to watch that breath and listen to the sound, which initially exacerbated my headache.  

It was relaxing, but I feel it would have been more useful had it been an actual nap or a traditionally seated still meditation, rather than seated on the table, despite the back support.   It did help alleviate my headache though, which sadly returned before the night was out.   I woke up with the headache the next day, too.  I slept on the couch when I got home so Lucaspuppymonster could be out of the crate.  The little bugger didn’t even cuddle with me all night!   He slept on a different chair.  

So much for mama’s boy!

Meditation day 10 – 12/11/13 – Part 1

After fuzzcare, I bribed the dogs with peanut butter inside a bone. 

Sitting on a pillow at the edge of my coffee table again, I did a little stretching in the minute prep I set the timer for.  When the bell rang for stillness, I found it challenging to focus on my breath because my chest felt tight again.   When I asked Andrew-san why my chest felt tight when I started to focus on my breath, he pointed out the obvious – that I was just noticing what was already there.

I have been fighting away a cold the past few days, and had used my asthma pump after awakening because my chest had started to feel like congestion was settling in.  I don’t have asthma, per se, but I had an annual bout of bronchitis as a kid (thanks, smoking parents) and I am technically allergic to cats, which only flares up from time to time as a cat owner.  Before owning cats, I would also get exercise induced wheezing.   I don’t always now, but the combo can’t help things.   So, my chest is tight, and I watch it… (fyi, not asthma attack tight – not emergent!)

I still feel other parts of my body start to relax, I notice my mind still wanders but the thoughts aren’t as loud, aren’t screaming for attention.   Perhaps it is because my chest is yelling at me for the irritants I challenged it to adapt to. 

My posture wants to wobble, too.  Sitting further upright helps open my chest, but it feels tiring to do so today.  I contemplate that a sun salutation before meditating would really be a good idea.  I try to focus on my breath.

The puppy monster finishes his task earlier than intended and starts seeking my attention.   I keep hoping he will follow my example and sit too.  🙂   He jumps on my leg, jumps on the table, tries to give me his toy..

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(Taken after session over)

At some point I move my foot to trap the toy.  Sometimes all I need to do to “play” is a passive pseudo tug like that…but he gets another toy.

When I moved my foot it was a shock to my system though,  a rude awakening, and I probably shouldn’t do that again, though I continued to sit until my time was up.

Obviously the puppy won.

Can’t wait to try to mix in kids and meditation someday.   🙂

Aside

Morning Fuzzkid routine (2013 version)

This is the morning feeding routine for the fuzzkids.

This happens post-dog walk, and of course the kitties get treats after the walk for no good reason besides them demanding it.

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Katie is first in line, and usually waits patiently for her food.

Fortunately she is benevolent enough to let me make coffee.

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I Fill the coffee pot to with 12 cups of water and pour into the reservoir.    Put in a new liner, and then fill it about 3/4 of the way with coffee.  If it is a stronger coffee I might use less, but I prefer my morning cup STRONG and D’ARK, like I like my lovers.  🙂     Then, close the lid and press start.  Voila!  It’s that simple.   Of course, I don’t get to drink teh coffee until after I feed the babes.

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At this time, I might be graced with some love by katie.    She has turned into such a mama’s girl and this morning she was especially affectionate before breakfast.  🙂  Of course, it is a combination of starvation and love, but this time I think it was more love.  🙂

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Pre-coffee happiness?  Amazing.   Thanks katie1  🙂

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Let us assemble our supplies.   3 plates, cheddar cheese, a knife, a spoon, co-q 10 30mg from the fridge, and katie’s med box.  She gets lasix and benazapril.

Cut a piece of cheddar cheese about the size of the tip of your thumb.  Too little and she won’t eat it.  Too much and there’s too much.   🙂

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Melt it in the microwave for 7-9 seconds depending on the size of the cheese.  If it is overmelted and crispy, she won’t eat it because it is too ard and you can’t effectively ball the pills up in it.  It should end up about the size of a marble when balled up with meds.   Give this ball to katie.  If she doesn’t eat it, you can always crush it and mix with a little food before feeding her.   Most times she will eat it.

For the record, she only likes extra sharp cheddar cheese.  She won’t eat low fat, and she will eat mozzarella but not take her meds with it.  *sigh*

Then we add a dropperful of coq10 to the liquid cheese drippings on the plate and let her lick that up.   CoQ10 is popularly used among cardiac patients to faciliate energy production and it is also an antioxidant.  Some HCM cat parents swear that their kitties become lethargic if they stop the CoQ10.   I’ve run out in the past for a day or three and didn’t notice significant changes, but she also has a little kitty brother to keep her stimulated, aka, annoyed.  🙂

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Select one of the 3oz weruva cans and plop it on the plate.  If you are lucky, like I was this morning,  she will eat your first choice.  If she doesn’t, I have mixer cans in back of other brands, and you can mix in some of that stuff and put the rest in the fridge.   That usually works.    I use weruva because according to some renal cat listing (tanya’s? I forget) it is generally lower in sodium, which she needs for her heart.

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Katie has to be fed on the table because the puppy will eat her food if it goes down elsewhere.

Oh, RIGHT

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The puppy.    🙂

The dogs eat primal raw patties, they both get 3/4 patty per day.  Pinto is around 20lbs but less active, lucas is around 15 pounds but more active.   I’m thinking of cutting back for lucas though.  He is pooping a lot and also weighs more like 17 pounds.

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Take a patty from the freezer and microwave for exactly 22 seconds.   With my microwave, 23 seconds makes it mushier, leaving me leary about returning the dregs to the freezer.

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Cut off approximately 1/4 patty and return that 1/4 to the bag.   Put the bag back in the freezer.

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Score the remaining 3/4 patty diagonally and separate onto 2 plates.   break up into smaller chunks.

Lately’ I’ve also been adding composure liquid to their meals.   I split about 1/2 cap between the both of them.

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The puppy knows to sit when you hover over him.   I place his plate down, give him a stern look, and then go feed pinto.

After pinto has had a head start, I then tell the puppy “MANGIA” and he  eats.   Sometimes he gets impatient and I chide him with an uhuh.

I used to have to sorta force feed pinto before I switched to the raw food.   He was SOOOO stubborn and would sometimes only eat out of my hand.  When I first got him, he would allow himself to become dehydrated with not eating, and he was even scared to drink water.   He lets himself not eat for like 2 days!     The primal raw makes him much happier.  Sometimes he gives it a happy dance as I walk over.  🙂

That little turn around the puppy does?  I *so* didn’t train that.  Isn’t it cute?

Falcor just has a bowl of dry food (max cat) in a place only he can get to which I refill every few days (on top of the shelving in the living room).  He lets me know if it’s empty with a dirty look.  I have to put it out of the way of katie because she will wolf it down without chewing enough and then I randomly step in a puddle of regurgitated food and hair.   Sometimes I give her a few pieces as a treat, though.   It is awesome watching him scale the wall to get to it.  He was named falcor because he is white and he essentially flies.   🙂   [Insert video here]

I tried many wet foods with falcor and he doesn’t like any of them.  I must get a video of his ceremonial rejection.  He does, however, like some green leafy vegetables (eg, spinach, but I don’t think he likes kale) and will partake when I am making my morning smoothie.

Then, and only then, do the fuzzkids allow me to chillax and drink my coffee.

Unless the puppy wants to play.  Sometimes while I am preparing my breakfast and lunch I will grab one of his plush toys and drag it around under my foot.  he will try to rescue it, and sometimes I’ll throw it.   It works.  🙂

(The evening routine is the same minus the cat meds, but still with composure.)