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Posts tagged ‘noise’

Permission to be at peace

I am most successful at making time to meditate on workdays, perhaps given they are more structured days.  By the time lunch comes around for me I am ready to run into the treatment room, turn off the light, and sit for 10 minutes on a short exam stool.

Initially the techno-squealing was annoying.  Now it gives me something external to focus on if I need help quieting the mind.  Besides, even if that wasnt there my ears would still probably ring.

Somehow I’ve lost track of watching the breath.  I only watch a few breaths at a time.  🙂 

What I have gotten good at is giving myself “permission to be at peace” for these 10 minutes, permission to not have to follow thoughts or work out problems.  I center myself by remembering that I am not on the noisy side of the psych ward at the moment, that I can let go of the reverb in my head of those noises.   Then, I try to watch my breath for a few and listen for the quiet in the room.

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Meditation Day 6 – 12/7/13

Didn’t really have the time or headspace to meditate before work today, so resolved to meditate at work at the beginning of my break, which I did.

Started in a conference room chair with the lights out, planning to sit for 15 minutes with a minute prep time.

In less than a minute, decided the whirr of computers and squeal of the wifi router and tick tick tick tick of the clock was overwhelmingly annoying, and there was also a likelihood of getting interrupted.    Took it to the exam room which would only be entered into for an emergency or supplies.  Still whirr-squeal, but no tick tick tick.   So, I sat.

Shhh brain, shhhhhhhh.  My chest felt tight trying to watch my breath, sitting up on the stool felt weird, then leaning my back against the exam table was annoying so sat up tall again.  Whirrrsqueealll!   Kept having to lasso the brain in, though there were a few milli-moments of feeling relaxed.  Thought about bringing ear plugs tomorrow, though in such a room I would still perceive EMF’s were effecting me even if I couldn’t hear them.  (Reminder – prioritize moving cable modem and wifi router out of bedroom at home in the next few weeks!)

After the chime rang and I opened my eyes though I realized my body had been more relaxed than I recognized, at least from the waist down and in my head.    There was more going on than my mind’s eye perceived.  🙂

Tomorrow, if I end up meditating at work again I’m going to bring earplugs and sit in the seclusion room, which we don’t use very often.  Although I did have my Ipod and could have played a music or guided meditation, I also want to learn stillness, watching breath, observing self. Meditation music and chants are fab but are not entirely self-directed journeys from within.   I can’t believe I’m saying this.  A few years ago I thought just sitting and watching one’s breath was annoying and stupid.  🙂

Onward we journey.